Divorced Mom Dealing with Dating
Q: I am a 38-year-old recently divorced mother of 2 children. After nearly 10 years of marriage, I am now dating again. I have met a lot of interesting and kind men, but I have no interest in engaging in any sort of sexual activity. How can I determine if this is a behavioral (anxiety, fear) or physical symptom (waning libido)?
Your lack of interest in any sort of sexual activity may just be temporary and related to your new status as a divorced mom. Fortunately, you've recently met some interesting and kind men. Since feeling relaxed and comfortable with yourself and your partner is a key component of sexual desire, excitement and orgasm, my advice is to be patient and focus on the positive aspects of dating rather than what's missing. Not knowing your sexual history and other detailed information, I cannot determine the etiology of your dilemma, since both psychological and physical problems can evoke anxiety, fear and loss of libido. Generally speaking, your lack of sexual interest is likely not a physical problem and you might choose to see a sex therapist if your situation doesn't improve and the following is true:
a. Sexual feelings and thoughts are limited or not present when you are with a partner, yet on your own you feel aroused, fantasize and/or stimulate yourself.
b. You tend to have negative or distracting thoughts when thinking about him or when you are together.
c. You believe you may have deeper conflicts relating to issues such as trust, separation and dependency that might be holding you back from feeling desired and desirous. If however, you experience any sensations of pain or discomfort on penetration or intercourse, you might want to consult with your gynecologist.
DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a subtitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.