Gracefully Exiting a One Night Stand
No demographic of daters seems surrounded by more myth and stigma than the divorcee.From the 'easy score' to 'damaged goods,' the recently eligible are frequently misunderstood.
1. Under (Less) Pressure
Tired of expectations hanging over your head like the Sword of Damocles every time you have a first date? You'll love dating a divorcee. See, they're in no rush to jump back into a heated romance. It's not that they aren't looking for love. It's just that they're not desperate to jump at the first thing that buys them dinner and a movie. Call it, "Once screwed, twice shy," but divorcees take their time getting to know you. How refreshing to talk with someone who actually wants to understand you as a person rather than with Mr. or Miss Hot-to-Trot who would rather swap saliva than stories.
2. Stop Wasting Your Time
The formerly married may go slow with new love interests, but that doesn't mean they waste time with dead-end relationships. Divorcees draw from hard experience, which means they know when things aren't jiving and won't string you along until things go really sour. Instead, divorced daters tend toward honesty and offer up a quick goodbye. After all, one really messy ending is usually enough for a lifetime.
"I don't have the time or patience to diddle-daddle with guys I know aren't a good fit," says Sylvie A. "I've done that, divorced that. The sting of an upfront turn-down may be hard for some to hear at first, but in the end everyone wins."
3. Be Appreciated
The maritally parted know a good thing when they find it, and they fight to hold onto it. They understand that little gestures have the power to keep a spark alive and they believe that making their partner feel important and special can be the difference between relationship success and failure. Call it sweating the small stuff but divorcees have a way of treating you right.
4. Housetrained and Ready to Love
Yes, the old joke goes that when you date a divorced guy you get a new man who's housebroken without having had to train him yourself. There is a nugget of truth in this for both sexes. Marriage forces you to learn to share of yourself and to be more sensitive to the needs of a partner in a way you never really discover when you're just dating.
Ron J. says, "I may have lost my coveted leather chair [sigh] and the new CR-V to the ex, but I gained a lot too. I'm a better person for having shared a daily life with her. I know that relationships take work and I'm jumping into the singles scene with a willingness to make that effort."
It's more than putting the toilet seat down or capping the toothpaste. It's learning that the sexes are truly different, and to be successful in a relationship you have to understand that reality and accommodate accordingly. Not that men and women will ever truly understand each other, but the formerly married are further across that bridge than most.
5. Life with the Kids
OK, I'm not going to be a Pollyanna about this one. Dating someone who has had kids from a previous relationship presents a host of issues and challenges to deal with. But there are definite upsides: you get to experience the joys and thrills of life with kids (and there are many) without actually having them. Call it a test run. It's a lot easier than actually carrying them, birthing them and then discovering at 5 am one morning that you aren't the parenting type -- and a lot less permanent.
There's nothing better than bedding down with someone who knows what they're doing in the sack. The recently divorced are obviously sexually experienced and many times, the end of their previous relationship has seen a long period of celibacy, so doing it with a divorcee means a hunger for some horizontal validation. And they are under no illusions about jumping in the sack always resulting in Hollywood endings.
By Kelly Jones for Click By Lavalife