How Music Can Help You Through A Breakup
Breakups are never easy. The hurt. The pain. At times it's unbearable, but eventually we find a way to pick ourselves up and put ourselves back out there, hopefully without any baggage from previous relationships.
For many, listening to music while dealing with a breakups can speed up the healing process.
I had a very intense relationship with a guy who lived across the street from me for a month and a half. I’m sure you’re wrinkling your nose at me, thinking, “That’s not a relationship.” We spent a lot of time together in that short period, and I really fell for him. That was until I caught him kissing another man and came to learn he’d been soliciting many others while we were dating.
I’m ashamed to admit, I was heartbroken. I was so broken up by this, I made myself sick for a week. I couldn’t eat and lost 10 lbs. My waistline greatly benefited, but I was an emotional wreck. The mere sight of food made my stomach turn. Eventually, I was able to pick myself back up, and with the help of a song, I found solace.
My breakup was perfectly timed with the release of Beyonce’s Best Thing I Never Had. I clung to her every word. It was as if she was describing my situation, and as a result, they really helped me get over the breakup.
There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right,
No lies, no wrong,
Boy I must have been out of my mind,
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you,
You showed your a$$ and I, I saw the real you!
Her words were the bandages I needed to heal my deep wounds. She made me stronger. She made me realize I deserved better.
This wouldn’t be the last time I turned to song to heal the wounds of a breakup. Many months later, I landed myself in a timid relationship for 3 months with a guy I thought would one day sweep me off my feet. When that day was consistently delayed, and I realized I wasn’t a priority in his life, we both came to the conclusion we should go our separate ways.
I wasn’t nearly the mess I was after my last breakup. I was stronger this time around, and I had a new anthem to get me through it. This time my nurse would be Miss Kelly Clarkson. This breakup coincided with the end of the cold season, so I began running a lot to shed the pounds of winter.
I was constantly tuning to What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) while I pounded the pavement. Three lines in particular resonated strongly with me was:
You know the bed feels warmer sleeping here alone,
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone, and
The day you left was my beginning.
This song gave me the confidence boost I needed to dust myself off and get right back out there in the game. I was a new man. Instead of feeling depressed or hurt, I felt released from the binds of a bad relationship. Kelly’s song was a constant reminder of the great things I deserve in a relationship.
After a breakup, I try to remain friends. There was obviously a reason we enjoyed each other’s company in the first place. Following these two breakups, I thought this would be possible, but they both made it extremely difficult for very different reasons. I was very disappointed in them, and once again, I found solace in yet another song: Gotye’s Somebody That I Used to Know. I could feel the hurt when he sang,
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
His words were the friend I needed. He told me I didn’t need them in my life. I could cut the strings I was constantly trying to reattach and be free of the toxicity.
I’m very thankful it wasn’t Adele who released her songs around the time of my breakups; otherwise I may have been a complete train wreck. The hurt she expresses in her songs is so ultimately profound. There is a good reason she is such a chart topper; we can all relate to her pain and her optimism.
It’s amazing the power song has in our lives. We don’t go looking for them. They find us when we need them most. A few poetic words strung together with a powerful melody that soothes, excites, invigorates, uplifts, motivates, comforts…
We will never be able to walk away from a relationship unscathed. As much as there are tattoos in our minds of the fond memories, there will also be scars tissue left behind from the wounds. And, like a good friend, songs will always be there to distract us from the scar tissue and help us realize we are amazing individuals.
About the Author:
From an early age, I was different. I don’t know when I discovered my attraction to men, but I remember paying more attention to the men than women around the age of 12. At that age, I thought it was something I could suppress.
I left my home state to attend a small liberal arts college known for their communications program — My major. Throughout college, I didn’t pursue men, even after learning one of my best friends/roommate was gay. I still wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality. I secretly watched porn and snuck glances at the guys on the football team showering in the locker room. In the meantime, I tried to foster relationships with a few girls, but it never seemed to stick.
After I graduated, I moved to Hoboken, NJ in the shadow of NYC. At 26, I came to the life-changing conclusion and finally admitted to myself my true self — A gay man. This by no means defines me, but it is a part of me and a part of who I am.
Since then, I’ve been riding the roller-coaster known as the New York City gay dating scene and sleeping with the city that never sleeps. My blog OneGayAtATime.com is an anonymous account of my dating life in NYC and what happens next...