Q: It takes me a long time to get aroused which is often a problem. Men get frustrated and bored and often feel dejected as a result. I know many women share my experience and I was wondering if there is any way to speed up the arousal process?

Q: I am best friends with a guy who suffers with severe bouts of anxiety and depression.  And his symptoms seem to be getting worse. He refuses to go on anti-depressants  for fear that it will ruin his interest in sex as well as performance. It pains me to see a grown man suffering and self-sabotaging, and I wonder if there is anything I can do to help?

Q: I've had breast cancer 8 months ago. I am lucky they got it all; however I had a double masectomy and reconstruction does't start till October. I am scared to death of meeting someone to be intimate with. Any advice?

Q: I sometimes have an odd reaction to condoms and am convinced they give me bladder infections. I am wondering if there are certain brands or types that are better than others?

I am a career driven bachelor, who has been in and out of relationships for most of my adult life. The last woman I dated for almost 4 years and the sex was the best I ever experienced. Although we broke up more than 2 years ago, I am still struggling with images of her whenever I am intimate with someone new. How can I get over those visions of a past lover and move on with my sex life?

Although your question is about moving on with your sex life, I think that your notion of moving on may be part of the problem. Are you looking for just good sex or a satisfying sex life within a committed relationship? It sounds like you have a pattern of not staying in a relationship and when you are in one, not able to fully appreciate it, long-term. Now you can't stop thinking of someone you dated 2 years ago-could it be that someone seems more enticing when not available to you? I'm not familiar with the history of your break-ups but might you be repeatedly avoiding a relationship in which there is real intimacy, vulnerability and commitment by investing so much into your career driven life? Perhaps doing so feels safer than taking the risk of communicating your needs and desires to a partner but it won't help you move beyond those old images or distorted expectations that interfere with your enjoyment of sex today. You might consider that your perception of a lover from the past vs. a current lover could have more to do with the scenario you tell yourself rather than the reality of their attributes. I suggest you try to get in touch with your own anxiety, through self-help books or therapy, and confront this from the inside out.

DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a subtitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.

Q: One of my male friends and I occasionally have casual sex.  It’s always quick and to the point but most of the time my needs are not satisfied. I understand that we are not in a commitment relationship but I would like for it to be a little tender and less functional. Am I out of line if I approach the subject with him?