Speeding Up Female Arousal
Q: It takes me a long time to get aroused which is often a problem. Men get frustrated and bored and often feel dejected as a result. I know many women share my experience and I was wondering if there is any way to speed up the arousal process?
Generally speaking, it does take females longer to get aroused than it does men. However, it concerns me that you say it takes you a 'long time' to get aroused which is 'often a problem'; these are very negative and non-sexual thoughts, impeding your progress. I'd like you to realize that 20 minutes are even more time is NORMAL and perhaps the men getting frustrated and feeling dejected are the PROBLEM. Please educate yourself and the guy you happen to be with about what to expect in terms of arousal so you can count on his understanding and you can relax. (Tell him to take a hike if he is non-supportive.)
In order to help yourself along with the arousal process, you need to give yourself permission to focus on your own pleasure and whatever thoughts and fantasies turn you on. Teach your partner exactly how to touch you-where, what pressure and speed-even show him or let him ride your hand-and then stop thinking about these distracting thoughts of how long it is taking you to get excited and how bored he must be-this type of thinking is sabotaging your excitement! when you're having sex, focus instead on how good the sensations feel, how lubricated you're getting and before you know it...and by the way, practice when you are alone so you become more sexually confident.
DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a subtitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.