Spruce Up Your Social Life in 10 Easy Steps

I just got off the phone with 39 year old Darren, a smart and successful bachelor whose social life started to suffer when all of his best buddies got married.  Darren was hard-pressed to respond when I asked him straight out “what are you doing socially to change your situation?” I had a similar problem with newly single Amy, who told me she was tired of being dumped and was actively seeking her soul mate.   Only her idea of “putting herself out there” was limited to meeting men who might find there way to her usual haunts, in this case Starbucks and her gym.

Some people are social beings by nature while for others it takes practice. If you fall into the latter category and want to make progress you must have a plan of action in place. As we get older and saddled with chores and work it becomes harder to find the time and energy to engage in social activities.  Many of us find ourselves too practiced in the routine of ordering dinner and watching television. Through my work with singles over the years I have learned that a social plan can help in several ways. For one thing, writing things down will help you see what you are doing and not doing successfully. Also, it forces you to determine what activities and events are of most interest to you. And finally, signing up for things in advance, will make you more accountable.

If you want to try this better approach, I suggest you can start by mapping out your social calendar before each month and at the start of each new season. These are the times when new activities, parties, classes and events are updated and planning ahead will ensure that you get a spot or find a friend who will commit to do it with you. Then, state your goals and objectives, but make sure they are quantifiable, achievable and realistic. If your goal is to stop isolating, planning that can facilitate that goal may be (a) stopping into a local coffee shop after work at least once a week instead of heading straight home(b) joining a group or club that meets during the weekend during the day (c) and finding a coach, therapist, friend or family member you can talk to whenever those feelings of loneliness creep up. The more specific you are, the easier it will be to develop a list of activities and events that will help you achieve your goal.

It may sound like a an obvious process but it’s actually fun and can be a useful tool when applied to work assignments, home projects and long-term life plans, particularly where finances are concerned. Here is a sample social schedule similar to one we helped develop for Darren, whose goal is to stop isolating and to start dating: 

Month One Activities

1.    Sign-up for a Hurry Date or one of the Meet Market Adventures, even if you think you are “above” it.

2. Go to the hot new gym you’re a member of at least once a week or join a co-ed intramural league, tennis or hiking club.

3. Commit to working with a dating coach or try finding a mixed therapy group for thirty something singles.

4.  Make sure you attend at least one charity event this season, even if it means splurging on the tickets!

5. Figure out what you want to do for Memorial Day and start making those reservations now.

6. Find a wine tasting, cooking or special interest class and pre-pay for it so you have to show up.

7. Schedule a monthly happy hour with friends from work and ask them to invite their friends.

8. Send an email to two people a month letting them know you are actively searching. 

9. Instead of going home every night, pick a fabulous spot and treat yourself to dinner for one at least once a month.

10. Repeat each month and we promise your life will change!