Study Links Broken Penises to Infidelity

The title alone might be enough to deter the normal philandering male from cheating.   Visions of his prized possession being held prisoner inside the hard (pun intended) confines of a plaster cast being significantly less enjoyable than the thoughts of having his member stuck inside something else.

Then, I actually read the article.

To sum it up, Dr. Andrew Kramer, urologist and assistant professor of surgery at the University of Maryland Medical Center did a study of 16 fractured penises. That’s it. 16. Over a four-year period. 16. And what did Dr. Kramer find based on his clearly extensive research of these afore mentioned 16 fractured peni? That eight of them had become fractured during an extramarital encounter. Let me do the math for you one more time in the event that the Doc’s overwhelming expertise and research on the subject has gone over your heads – Eight men, in four years, fractured their Johnson while having an affair. I’m not sure if this article was meant as a joke or to let men know that the odds are in their favor of walking away from a janitor’s closet romp with their secretary unscathed.

To make matters worse he blatantly states, “If you’re in an elevator with your wife or in a weird position it’s the same risk, and it has nothing to do with an affair.” Aside from the obvious fact that Dr. Kramer just admitted it’s the position of entry and not who is being entered, one really needs to ask, “When was the last time you actually had sex in an elevator?”

They could have saved me the time of reading this anticlimactic article and told me straight out that rough sex has a higher chance of injuring a guy’s knob. In other words, Duh. I suppose the next time around, someone will be claiming that your odds of becoming injured while riding a dirt bike at 50 mph are significantly higher than riding a 10 speed on a paper route. Perhaps someone can spend more time and money researching that.

So, basically, what I learned from this article, other than anything will be published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, is not necessarily that men shouldn’t cheat. Rather, they need to practice safe sex. And by safe, I mean in a bed.

Article can be found here.

About the Author:

Miss Melisa Mae is an avid fan of anything Chuck Norris and vodka. If she could meet Chuck Norris while drinking vodka, all the better.   The proudest moment of her life was when Vivian Campbell of Def Leppard waved  at her between songs during their Greatest Hits tour. She has a B.A. in B.S. and likes referring to herself in the third person because it makes her feel special.   She also blogs at MissMelisaMae.com.