Ben Winkler on single life, South Florida and the bachelor boom

Q: Studies indicate that South Florida has one of the healthiest populations of single men. What do you think is the reason for the bachelor boom?

South Florida, due to it’s climate, buzzing night life and sunshine all year round has developed a healthy single population – a playground in the sun! Contributing to this lifestyle is a very body conscious community offering a wide variety of ethnicities and backgrounds. One factor for the booming single male population is a generally higher age of getting married these days. Men in their midlife search, post divorce, find themselves in a buzzing theater of upbeat Floridians. Lots of eye candy day and night in areas such as South Beach, the Keys and north towards Melbourne, and events every day at every corner provide fertile ground for bachelors.

Q: For some, single living happens by circumstance and not choice. Others embrace the lifestyle. What in your opinion is the secret to living a happy single life?

The secret to living a happy single life comes down to what I call ‘being single vs. doing single.’ Being single is due to circumstance whereas ‘doing’ single is really an attitude of embracing this time for yourself. A time of introspective inquiry, evolving insights and a fresh, workable perspective to achieve a different outcome - - a sustainable and fulfilled relationship the next time around! What it comes down to is awareness of having a choice! It’s not about being euphoric that someone is choosing you, but that you define and enforce healthy boundaries and establish your requirements and needs. Basically a baseline to help you not to ‘settle’ for second best! So really become centered during this time, find yourself and develop healthy self confidence!

Q: Can you tell us about some of the unique events and happenings that make South Florida a great hotbed for singles?

South Florida hosts a myriad of events suitable for singles year round! There are literally thousands of groups offering something for every taste imaginable; Some of the annual main events are the Florida Singles expo etc.

Q: When we think of Florida, many assume it’s a playground for baby boomers and senior retirees. Is there a vibrant and active social scene for singles in their 30s, 40s and early fifties?

Florida is not only retirement heaven for baby boomers and up but poses a vibrant social scene from your 30s into 50s! With a huge selection of interest groups from kayaking to salsa, anyone will find their needs and wants met. In addition, south Florida hosts a number of art establishments and events in areas that never sleep. Indeed Miami never sleeps, it buzzes!

Q: As a certified dating coach, what do you think is the biggest challenge single men and women face when it comes to relationships?

When it comes to challenges that singles are facing, authenticity and being in the present moment are at the top. Old patterns and limiting beliefs steer our every behavior, resulting in yet the same outcome over and over again! If we could only be present, in the moment so to speak, communication in relationships and dating would fall on such fertile ground! Tied into that is our constant attachment to the outcome when dating; detach yourself, go with the flow and be yourself – you’re not fooling anyone but yourself with behavior that is not really you! Escape the scarcity mindset that there’s not enough to go around or that all the good ones are taken! After all, it’s a numbers game so there are some frogs to kiss along the way and you might as well make it fun!

Q: We understand that you offer workshops and virtual training sessions to help individuals get lucky at love. Can you tell us a little bit more about your services?

At Ben Winkler Relationship Coaching, www.BenWinkler.com we focus on getting you from where you are today to where you want to be, that bliss state where you found your soul mate, the love of your life! We offer a variety of options to help our clients - from face to face workshops to weekly tele-seminars and 4 week tele-workshops to one on one coaching which takes place mainly over the phone. Our main program is a 12 week course that really focuses on ’you’ first, exploring who you are, what it is you are looking for all the way to how to go about it! Most coaching takes place over the phone nationwide and internationally from the convenience of your home or office! (exclusive, intimate matchmaking dinners are in development in cities throughout the US as well as our own online dating site!) www.BenWinkler.com (866) 628-9602

Q:  You hone in on forty plus females. If you could send one message to single women within that demographic, what would it be?

As I work predominantly with Single Women over 40, the main recurring theme is that of ‘neediness!’ There’s a clear distinction between having your ‘needs’ met vs. ’neediness!’ Men smell neediness a mile away and are running for cover! The majority of women in that age group often face starting over after a painful separation that brings with it a whole lot of insecurities and old baggage. These insecurities and limiting beliefs following major negative experiences often lead to scarcity thinking where we need to take whatever is left as all the good ones are taken, age has taken its toll, I have nothing to offer, real love doesn’t exist so I better face reality, my former partner left me so I can’t be attractive enough etc.! First off, your old partner and any preconceptions should have no place in a new relationship! There’s only room for the real and improved you, that radiant, juicy and fun loving woman that experiences a new awakening, the start of a new chapter or, as others often put it, stepping into the first day of the rest of your life! Stepping into the dating arena with such a mindset takes off the edge of first dates so get out there, have fun and enroll friends and family to scout for you with a detailed description of what it is you are looking for! That someone special is out there looking for you right now and can only find you if you’re out there, but don’t forget to first learn the skills of relating and dating. That special someone will want to be with you because of who you are, not despite of it!

Q: Okay, now what about the men?  What kind of love lessons, if any, do you offer to bachelors?

Men today need to show more integrity in general, there’s way too much ‘hiding’ and ‘beautification’ going on with the help of online dating today! Today’s bachelors need to really learn to authentically communicate where they stand and what it is they are looking for! Don’t lead women on but be upfront – there’s a huge concern regarding fear of rejection going on for men! Women don’t realize how hard it is for a guy to walk up to a woman he finds attractive! We are not talking butterflies here – they feel much more like tummy cramps at the moment of approaching a woman! Ladies, give a guy some credit for pulling it together even if he’s not at all what you had in mind – acknowledge his effort and authentically communicate your level of interest! Don’t simply ‘shoot’ him off, there’s a way to do it! Just imagine the scenario the other way around!

Q: There are so many dating coaches, what makes what you do unique to the rest?

What differentiates me from other relationship coaches is my unique niche that I hone in on in working with single women over 40! Through my many years of travel and living amongst many different mentalities and perspectives I developed a specific approach, a widened horizon of sorts when it comes to women in that age group, giving them on top of it all the male perspective to put things into perspective!

Q:  Any other words of wisdom?

Learn what you need to when it comes to relationships in order to gain a healthy perspective and different outcome the next time around! Wouldn’t it be a shame if your soul mate came along and you messed it all up just because you didn’t learn the necessary skills first, or worse, that you ‘settled’ and weren’t available as you are in the wrong relationship?